Sex, Love, Marriage, Hollywood.

A rose is a roseI like watching movies. 

Duh. Who doesn’t? They’re relaxing, fun, and a good excuse to snuggle. I have Netflix instant on my computer, giving me anytime-access to thousands of titles. Yet, lately I find myself shutting off more and more movies, many within the first fifteen minutes. Why? Well, I’ll give you an example. Last night I arrived home late and put on a movie for background noise as I did some “housework” before bed (in a dorm room, that means picking stuff up off the floor). My quick choice was “A Little Bit of Heaven,” a 2011 rom-com starring Kate Hudson. The first thirty minutes showed that it was absolutely nothing new. The female lead was who we’re all supposed to want to be: beautiful, successful, and very in control of her sexual conquests. Right away, she sleeps with a man she knows, apparently her usual booty call. Immediately after, he tells her that, while he’s honored he’s first on “the list,” maybe he wants more from their relationship. She says she thought they agreed that more would never be a part of this particular arrangement. Apparently, our dear heroine later finds real love with someone else, but I wouldn’t know. I turned it off.

Hollywood and I, we don’t see eye-to-eye. I am sick of watching adults act like children on screen. I am tired of wrong being portrayed as good and normal and as a means to sure happiness. I’m worn out by rampant selfishness being promoted like a virtue.

I’m really, really tired of sex being portrayed as some kind of “right” everybody has, an evaluation of one’s worth or success in life, a source of power, and/or the sole motivation to what we, as a culture, do.

Because it’s none of that. 

Allow me to just speak some truth here.

Women: having casual sex does not make you independent or powerful. Putting on your skimpiest outfit and hitting the club and ending the evening with a one night stand is empty. It will not bring happiness, joy, or fulfillment. All it will do is hurt your heart. You can deny this, masquerade as some tough chick who’s got it all together, insist you’re not looking for anything beyond a night of pleasure. But that’s a lie. We all are. We all are designed to need and seek love and acceptance. And if you’re in a different category, you know you’re looking for love, and you actually think you’ll find it through casual hookups at parties or whatever: I urge you to get real.

Check out this quote from askmen.com, which I found while doing some- shall we say- cultural research for this post:

“In today’s fast-paced world, people have less time to commit to a relationship or even date, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t have a partner to satisfy their primal needs: sexual intercourse.” To that I say: wow. Just, wow. What are we, animals? No time for love or commitment, sweetheart, but feel free to help me satisfy my “primal needs.”

How. Romantic.

Please don’t settle for this kind of life! Find your biggest, truest love in Jesus. Then find a man who will respect you, love you, and treasure you- not use you for his instant gratification.

I have always wondered, after watching films like the one mentioned above, what is the difference between “satisfying my primal needs”-sex and “we’re in love; really!”-sex? The way you feel about it or something? Because feelings are so easily influenced. That’s why the difference is marriage. 

I knew this and I figured out several years ago that a romantic, godly, good guy- the kind I wanted- isn’t a Hollywood guy. I knew that the right guy wouldn’t be so absolutely “enamored” with me that he’d try to convince me to have sex with him because he “loved” me so much or fault me for waiting, but that he’d instead take the challenging route, wait it out, put God first and me second and himself last, and show me the respect he had for me. That’s romance; that is love. And I’m so blessed to be in a relationship like that of the latter category. I wouldn’t trade it for a Hollywood-style rom-com “romance” in a hundred million years; it’s better than anything I’ve seen on TV. Kate Hudson, you don’t even know. 

Casual sex, sex without the commitment, only leads to heartbreak, regardless of what the movies show us. Sex with the commitment? Ya know, marriage? Well, I hear it’s pretty great, but I wouldn’t know. To be perfectly frank, I’m looking forward to finding out someday (after a ceremony is performed and I have a ring on my finger).

I urge you to examine your own thoughts about these subjects and figure out where you stand. If you conclude, like I did, that our culture has gotten it all mixed up, have enough courage to own that and not be ashamed of it.

Remember this: right is still right, even if no one’s doing it. Wrong is still wrong, even if everyone’s doing it. It’s so true. I urge you to live your life governed by Truth, capital T: God’s word, which doesn’t change (unlike the whims of society).

Here’s the way I think about it: even if something in the Bible seems sooo impractical or impossible (like how Jesus told us to pray for our enemies: that doesn’t come naturally at all), I know that God created me. He knows what I need way better than I do. It’s as simple as admitting that no, I don’t have control and He does, so…easy decision there!

One more thing: if you feel at all like I do about this stuff, I encourage you to pay more attention to what you watch. If the message is not at all something you support: turn it off! Let’s take “not of this world” and live it.

xoxo, j

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10 thoughts on “Sex, Love, Marriage, Hollywood.

  1. You should have talked Largent into letting you publish something like this last year lol it was good! And relevant to everyone. Since It’s something you are obviously passionate about you wrote it well enough to make people listen and care good job girly!

  2. AMEN!!!!! This is beautiful! Thank you for taking a stand for God and His Word. My husband and I waited to have sex until our wedding night – and we are going to be celebrating our 19th wedding anniversary soon – and married sex is AMAZING! No guilt. No shame. No STDs to worry about infecting each other with. No flash backs to other boyfriends/girlfriends and having sex with other people and worry that my husband is comparing me to someone else. No guilt in raising my children and telling them that sex is for marriage – because that is how we did it.

    THIS is how sex is most fulfilling – being united in marriage – portraying the profound mystery of Christ and the church and shining with the power of God to the world.

    You will NEVER regret doing things God’s way.

    No, His ways do not come naturally to us. Nothing about what God desires us to do comes naturally! Humility, self-sacrifice, self-control, generosity, forgiveness, dying to self, serving Him, making Him our Lord instead of self, seeking His will above our will, submission to Christ, respect for our husbands, submission to our husbands, repaying evil with good, seeking heavenly riches instead of earthly riches, not worrying but living by faith…

    And THIS is the path to real abundant life, joy, peace and the treasures of heaven!

    Thank you for this post! I’m thrilled to be able to share it on my blog, too!

    1. Oh! And PS –
      We also don’t have the incredibly difficult issues of dealing with ex boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-spouses and step-children and all the awful tension that causes. Our children belong biologically and legally to both of us. We are united as parents – there is an ultimate authority. Our children learn to be godly by our example of marriage and by our unity. They learn to submit to God-given authority by watching me honor their Dad. They learn what God’s love is like by living with their plugged-in, involved, compassionate, strong father.

      There is no screaming or arguing at our house. There is peace, joy, safety and sanctuary.

      This is the kind of family life and marriage I pray for every believer in Christ to get to experience.

  3. Brilliant post – and fair warning about being careful about what we watch. It’s only recently I’ve started realising how much even the ‘clean’ Hollywood movies have impacted how I view relationships.

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